Sunday, May 19, 2013

3 Our Journey: Advice

After over a year of walking through the journey of infertility ‘quietly,’ Nate and I feel led to share our story in hopes of providing connection, fellowship, advice, and prayer for others traveling on such a heartbreaking road. 
{start at the beginning here}

As I have said before, so many people have said hurtful things to me or to other friends of mine who are going through infertility. No one was being intentionally hurtful, but all the same, frivolous questions can break the heart of a woman who wants a child of her own.  With that said, I have some advice on the subject. . . 
"What NOT to say" 
* Do not ever ask anyone when they are going to start having children. If they wanted you to know, they would tell you. 
* On the same note, don't ask anyone when they are going to have more children, if they are done having children, or anything remotely close to either of those phrases. Again, if they wanted you to know, they would tell you. 
*When you know that someone is having trouble conceiving, do not say anything trivial like "if you just relax it will happen  . . . " 

"What TO say" 
* THE ONLY thing to say when someone is going through infertility is "I am sorry that you are going through this and I am praying for you." Period. End of subject. Not a word more. 

To precious friends reading this who might be wondering when do I seek a second opinion or go to a fertility doctor. . . 
That is entirely up to you.
3 months after our miscarriage, I was at my doctor looking for answers. Although we didn't start Clomid at that time, my regular OBGYN was fully ready to prescribe Clomid and to try to figure out why we were not getting pregnant. 
One thing I would do differently looking back is that I would have gone to Dr McKenzie when we were getting on Clomid. We love my regular OBGYN and am so thankful that he will deliver our child, but Dr. McKenzie (or any fertility doctor) specializes in infertility where as a regular OBGYN does not deal with infertility on a daily basis.

God is so good. 
Since sharing our story, Nate and I both have had the opportunity to comfort and give advice to other couples going through this journey and have referred numerous people to Houston IVF and to Dr McKenzie. 
He is faithful. 
I praise Him for the journey and I praise Him for the miracle he has blessed us with. 
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  1. Love this:) and you:)

  2. Good advice. I actually had a friend, who knew about our struggles and failed IVF, that when telling me she was pregnant commented about how she wasn't happy about it and wanted a divorce.
    This was literally 2 weeks after our failed IVF. NOt going to lie. We had been friends for 10-years but I haven't spoken to her since. That really hurt and decided that a real friend would not have said that.

  3. Thank you for the great advice and words. There are so many that can benefit. I have struggled with infertility, like you however mine was different in that I had secondary infertility. The hurtful comments that came from people wondering when we would have more children, if we were done having children, etc were so heart-wrenching. I did get my second baby but not without multiple surgeries and 2 miscarriages in between. So thankful for you sharing your story. Blessings upon you and your husband and that sweet baby!


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